Will My Ex Come Back To Me After A Bad Breakup?


Everyone that has experienced the end of a long relationship has felt the sting of loneliness and the continuing nag of wondering if their ex will open their eyes, come to their senses, and come back. So if you’re sitting there wondering to yourself, “will my ex come back to me”, ask yourself exactly why you want them back in the first place.

But is this really what you want, or better yet, need?

Well, the answer to the bugging question of whether or not your ex will come back isn’t easy, yet it’s simple.

In its’ simplistic form, the answer is hell no.

Wake the fuck up! Why in the hell would you really want someone to return that has ripped your fucking heart out so easily and doesn’t give a flying fuck about how you feel?


Seriously, think about this for a minute. If your significant other really cared for you and didn’t have another agenda going on, they wouldn’t have left.

It’s that simple.

Now, on the flip side of the coin, it’s not that simple.

Here’s why.

Like flavors of Ben & Jerry ice cream, there’s just as many variables and reasons for why couples don’t work out and one of the partners says no more and hits the door. This could be because the two of you just can’t get along or you’ve got hideous morning stank breath. I’m not a damn Psychiatrist, though I did sleep in a Holiday Inn Express last night, but still I can’t wizardly read people’s minds like a shrink might (disclaimer: magic is for Harry Potter believers. You guys keep rocking on with your wooden sticks. Looks super cool).


There’s also money issues that seems to be one of the most prevalent reasons most (older) couples breakup. Now, maybe I’ve just not been kicking rocks on this planet long enough, but from my experience, there’s no amount of money, large or small, that’s going to fix a damn thing for you. There’s always bills. Even the richest folks have huge bills to pay and I promise you that unless you’re apart of the 0.01%, you’re always going to have “money issues”.


My advice on that is to just get the fuck over it, quit being a damn diva and get over yourself. If you’ve got a spending problem, get help or a new hobby that doesn’t involve spending lots of money. One that comes to mind is kicking rocks. Absolutely free unless you factor in a good pair of rock kickin shoes (any pair of shoes works for this activity so unless you’re Fred Flinstone and ya yabba-dabba-do to work everyday I don’t want to hear your belly achin).


So how does any of what I’ve just rambled on help you with your current situation of wondering whether or not your ex is going to come back to you?

It doesn’t.

But, I just helped you think about something else for about 2 minutes (unless you’re on the derp reading program and for those of you that are, 15 minutes of added value. You’re welcome).


But let’s say I haven’t convinced you to move on and you’re hell bent on wanting back ole Joe or Jane.

Here’s some signs that he, she, or it, might still be on your radar screen.

He or she finds ways to engage with you.

Oh boy, love this one. Love, love, love it.

I’m kidding, I fucking hate it.

Let me speak from personal experience. Soooo after my ex and I split, I’m at my house working with my employees (I’m a successful entrepreneur for those of you that aren’t catching on yet. Hint, hint derp lol) and it’s about 10am on a fine Thursday morning and while I’m balls deep in a client meeting, around pops Swampthing.


Swampthing loved to pull the “oh I was just in the neighborhood and wanted to come by and get some stuff for the kids”.

Bitch please, you live 2 hours away with your new boyfriend.


Acting like the CEO boss that I am, I politely asked her to please leave and come back another time, announced. Wellllll, Swampthing didn’t like this. Rejection to her is the Holy Grail of insults to it, even if it’s a normal request.

So what does she do? That’s for another day and time…


Moral of the story is that your Swampthing will find little ways to inject themselves into your life, especially if they’re the controlling type. They don’t want you, but then again they don’t want anyone else to want you. Catch 22 of personality disorders..

If your ex finds ways to show up at parties you’re at, texts, snap, insta ya, well, you now know the little game they’re playing with you.

My non-professional, professional advice is to stay the fuck away from this type and just move on. You’ll thank uncle Orlando one day if you do.


Will My Ex Come Back To Me? Answer the Why to Get Over the Cry

Just as my father would lovingly say to me as a child, “hey dumbass, what’re you thinking?”, I too am lovingly asking you the same. Or better yet, I’m asking for you to take a moment for inner reflection as to why you want your ex back. What’s the reason?

Maybe they’re just that good of a lover, or they compliment you in some way, or you just felt comfortable. Whatever the reason you have about wondering if your ex will come back to you, I don’t care, but you do and you should because when you answer the why you can get over the cry

So take a moment and think about why it is that you want your ex to come back. Don’t think that it’ll come to you immediately, it takes time for your mind to work out all the details and for you to be honest with yourself. Being honest with yourself is key here. Without being 100% honest with yourself you’re only doing yourself a disservice, no one else. So keep it real and think long and hard about why it is that you want this person back in your life so you can then, hopefully, move on to resolution.

Look boys and girls, in life you’re going to hit snags like this and this is where you grow. This is where you develop into a better person that goes on to love even better the next time around. And I can already hear most of you thinking (totally got shrink powers this morning thanks to Dunkin Donuts coffee. Shit is bomb), “but uncle Orlando, there will never be a next time! The love of my life is over there double dipping into Suzy rotten crotch.”

Yes, true. He just might be. But that’s none of your damn concern anymore. Harsh, I know, but someone’s gotten be with you and who better than your ole uncle?

Look, there will be a next time. When? Fuck, I don’t know. No one does. Well, maybe one of those TV Tarrot card readers might, but that ain’t me or you. The next time will happen when it’s time to happen and honestly it’ll happen when you least expect it.


For example, let’s say you had a fun night at your friends house for Taco Tuesday and now it’s your-not-getting-humped day and you’ve got the meat sweats.

That’s probably when it’ll happen in all likelihood. Lol, I wonder how many of you go and try to have taco’s tonight..

Here’s to you being the 3rd wheel.

Daddy out.


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