I somehow found myself watching – and enjoying – a Say Yes to the Dress marathon.
A couple of years ago, I purged my life of everything wedding. My bridal magazine subscription gave me nightmares and I avoided checking the mail for weeks on end. Okay I’ll admit it, I dreaded attending weddings. Even though I was happy for the couple, I was miserable myself. Whether it was jealousy that it wasn’t me on the alter, or sadness from losing my own special day, or just general negativity over the institution of marriage, I never thought I would be “okay” again.
Then, I was at a wedding a few weeks ago, after the vows the reception began, I have a cook spot me as I climbed on a tractor in four in high heels.
I am living, breathing proof that you are going to be okay and that it gets better and time heals all wounds.
It’s not going to happen right away but it will gradually. With baby steps throughout the years. I went through a lot of ups and downs and never thought I would trust again. Recently I realised I am a changed person and I was finding was to make myself happy, loving, trusting and believing that it would work out.
This isn’t just about being able to watch tacky wedding shows it’s much more than that, there’s no more “I’m still not over him”
I get a ton of emails from readers who are just starting on this journey. The pain is a fresh wound right now. They still pick up the phone to call him knowing he isn’t going to be on the other end. They don’t k me how to spend their Saturday night now because it was always their night together. Maybe they’ve just realised and accepted it will never be the same and theirs a huge knot in their stomach and a tightness in their throat it’s so hard to breathe imagining your life without him.
Or maybe you knew before it was over and just didn’t want to admit it, maybe it was over before he even walked away.
It doesn’t matter how or why it ended, it stills hurts and no one will understand your pain because we all experience it differently. For anyone who is dealing with this right now, I want you to know it’s going to be okay. I know it’s cliche but the only way out is through.
When my ex got married (without me) it was the most painful closure, but it was finally closure. From then on I didn’t want to write about him anymore or let him know how I was feeling and what I was going through. It felt great, I felt good, I felt free. I wasn’t giving him anymore of my precious time or energy.
To advise you, don’t think about him, don’t talk to him. STOP. Think about YOU, take care of YOU and care about YOU. That’s is the absolute best path to move on.
Always believe that he is no longer in your life because he is not meant for you, remember that everything happens for a reason. It could be you, fate, God the universe, whatever, just remember you are going through this hard time to prepare yourself for a better time.
This is a learning curve and it’s preparing you for the future. You are going to come out of his so much stronger and it might not make sense now or anytime soon but it will in time.
On the other hand there is forgiveness, oh no. Forgiveness is so hard, especially when you’ve been wrongly treated. The word itself puts so much pressure on the forgiver. The forgiver has to accept the apology and let go of the pain and somehow give forgiveness to the person who has done them wrong. That’s a huge thing to ask from someone who is in an awful amount of pain.
I’m going to leave you with Oprah Winfrey’s favourite quote that has stayed with me and helped me along my journey
“Forgiveness is giving up hope that the past could be any different”