Finding My Voice

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I would like to share a guest post written by Joan, she’s one of the strongest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. I hope you can enjoy her post and can identify what she’s overcome the past few years after she became single following a 40+ year marriage. 

I remember briefly having a voice at a time in my life. Maybe it was when I was born and learned to cry, which is he first vocal communication. Somewhere along the path I lost my voice. I allowed it to be stripped from me and I gave it up so easily, I regret it. I’m not 100% sure when and where it happened but it did. 

After all, I am sure the events of the past couple of years have played a huge part in finding and taking back my voice. I guess some of you will want to know what happened during this time. Well don’t read the Enquirer, you won’t find it there. Don’t listen to Gossip, we all know how that chain works. My friends, let me tell you, I found and took back my voice. Yes, after being separated for more than 60 years, I reclaimed it and I treasure it because it was something so precious that was lost for so long but now it’s back with its rightful owner and it’s never leaving. My promise to me is that I will NEVER let life, circumstance or anyone steal my voice from me EVER again 

I now have a voice to say what I want, need and expect. Plus life experiences have presented me with the opportunities to thing for myself and stand on my own two feed and be able to know clearly what it is I want exactly. 

So after 43.5 year of marriage, 49 years of relationship, surfing the trials and tribulations of military life in support of (ISO) my soldier hubbies military career: easing a close family and the two most beautiful children a mother could ever have, and losing our first Grandchild under heartbreaking circumstances, arrival of precious Grandkids, medical issues from minor to not so minor like a mini-stroke from my loving husband and finally setting a date to step into retirement, I found myself no longer the cherished and loved wife and also person I’d always though I was. Of course, it shook not only my world but others that are close to me.

With that being said, life goes on. We have to put one foot in front of the other; ensure the mourning process for the loss of our old life and everything we have built together, the plans, hopes and dreams of retirement and start a new chapter of our life on a fresh page, a new chapter in the same book while creating new memories and forever holding onto the fond ones of the days gone by.

I’ve learned a lot through life experiences and the breakup of a long-term relationship with the only man I’ve ever truly loved (other than my father of course) 

So, what happened? God only knows. To start my journey transitioning from what I thought was a happy marriage I had to determine what was in my hands and sphere of influence to control. Knowing I can’t make someone love me, but how do I accept the rejection and step out for myself.

Two and a half years later I’m a lot stronger and wiser. I was raised that in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better or worse, is how marriage is. Discourse was just another big red-letter word and instant ostracization from the emitter community and world. The big “D” was stamped on a forehead for the whole world to see.

For me that’s no longer the case and divorce is more then rule than how I was raise. I believe we have to make the best of everything while we have it. If life isn’t what you’re liking then just live in a self created world, I think I did that but I’m not sure, who knows?

All is know is that a lifetime of happiness, relationships, love, hopes and dreams were destroyed and thrown in the trash in a matter of seconds, I couldn’t even foreshadow it.

So, back to the topic of my voice. I am uncertain on the exact time or circumstances I realised it was missing and reclaimed it, I just know it was in the last two years. Where was it all those years? Why didn’t I have missing voice posters painted around town. I am blessed to have to back and I’ve thanked my lucky stars I’m not letting it go. 

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